Big Feelings in Play Therapy

By Traci Koen

If you’ve ever watched your elementary-age child melt down over something that seems small—losing a game, a broken Lego creation, or not getting their way—you’re not alone. These moments can feel confusing as a parent. You might wonder, “Why is this such a big deal?”

The truth is, for children in this developmental stage, these are big deals.

Elementary-age children are learning to manage frustration, tolerate disappointment, and stay flexible. These are skills they are still building—and they need support, practice, and guidance.

How Emotional Regulation Develops

At this age, children are still learning how to manage frustration, tolerate disappointment, and stay flexible when things don’t go as planned. When something feels hard or doesn’t go their way, their reactions might look like shutting down, becoming rigid or stuck on how something should be, getting tearful or explosive, or giving up quickly altogether. While these responses can be challenging to witness, they are not misbehavior—they are communication. They are your child’s way of saying, “This feels too big for me right now.”

In the playroom, we often see these same experiences show up in smaller, more manageable moments. A child might become upset when a game doesn’t go their way, when something they’ve built falls apart, when a limit is set, or when a situation feels unfair. These moments, while seemingly small, give us a window into how your child is navigating frustration and flexibility in their everyday world—and they create meaningful opportunities to support growth.

What the Therapist Is Doing

• Naming the feeling
• Normalizing the experience
• Staying calm and present
• Holding gentle boundaries
• Helping the child pause

From Behavior to Needs

• “I felt really frustrated.”
• “I needed help.”
• “I wanted it to go differently.”

Why This Matters

• Emotional regulation
• Flexibility
• Problem-solving
• Healthy communication

At BrightWay Counseling & Wellness, we take a 360-degree approach to supporting you and your child.

Reach out today to learn more about how play therapy can help your child!